Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
