well I can't set my house on fire every night
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
