If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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