I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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