he was CRYING into my vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
