that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
