DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
