i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
