uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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