If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
