He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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