Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
