Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
