You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
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I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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