Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
