apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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