just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
