Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
