nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
