we made out on top of his cat.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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