If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
