some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
