am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
