When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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