I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
