Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
