Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize