he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
