Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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