all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
