I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
