Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
