I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
