i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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