so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
