I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
