You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
