this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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