i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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