47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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