Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
