i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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