Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
