You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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