My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
