You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
