I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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