So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
