Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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