I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
