I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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