I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
