Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
her vagine was all disorganized.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
