Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
