Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
