Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
