Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
