he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
