my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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