I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
