hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
