She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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