Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
