Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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