Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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