Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
