You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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