this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
