she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
