Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
