my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
