Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
