Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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